no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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