glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
