sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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