She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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