Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
