I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
