bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
