its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
