Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
