nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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