We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
