just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
