Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
