While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
