Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
