did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize