Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
