just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
