youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
