i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
