i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
