Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
vagina is talking i cant
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize