I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
