I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
