Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
