I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
