left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
