how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
