I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
