hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
