just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
