I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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