I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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