Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
