Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
