I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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