i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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