Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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