Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
