I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
