Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
