apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Randomize
