After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
