I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
