The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
MIDGETS
????
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
