Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
