come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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