I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
