it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You can't motorboat a personality
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
