The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
