walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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