just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
