you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
