We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
