Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
