so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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