Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
