yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
