can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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