i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
