Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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