This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
