Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
