Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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