you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
