You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
