hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
