Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
