I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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