You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
