but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize