so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
