Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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