So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
