So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
