We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
