Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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