The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
