my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize