So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
