No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
