His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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