Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
