sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize