I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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