Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
