Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
