i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
