Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize