i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
