Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Of course I have a pirate flag
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
