I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
