is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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