you turned your livingroom into a bong?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
