I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
