she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just pee around me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
