She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
