Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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