She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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