SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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