Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
