There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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