oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
