Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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