hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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